I’m Here
I’m here. I’ve been in a deep place these last several days, and it’s been a difficult, beautiful path for my family and I to walk. I don’t really recognize my life at the moment. The days run together,and the hours pass on. I’m trying hard to emerge from the thick to show you what all I’ve seen. I want you to know. My dad wants you to know. He no longer has a lot of strength to speak the words, but he wants his life to be a testimony to the end, and it will be.
God has, just as He promised, been very present. Not only in these past few weeks, but since the beginning. I think the greatest blessing of my life is the knowing that God directs every step of my life. From placing me in the arms of two 20-year-old parents who would become the greatest influences of my life, to leading me to Dave, who has not only been my best friend ever, but has exceeded even himself in caring for my dad at his bedside along with my mother, brother, sister and I.
And I can’t forget to mention this house. You’ve seen so much of it. I’ve written to you about about the colors on the walls and the furniture in the rooms. It’s been a big part of what I write to you here. But, I can see now that God gave us this house for a bigger purpose. And as I watch my dad sleep in my Master bedroom, big enough to hold his hospital bed and the rest of this family, I know. It was all for now. The guest room I loved decorating, now the perfect place for Dave and I. The floor plan that allows us to see Dad through the window from the family room when he needs his rest. These large windows over my desk–so he can glance out at the sun shining through the snow and ice and whisper, “That’s a gift.”
It all is.
God is with us. His Word comes to my mind at all hours of the day and night to remind me of what I’ve always known.
The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way.
Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for theLord upholdeth him with his hand.
I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread.
He is ever merciful, and lendeth; and his seed is blessed.
Psalm 37:23-26
As I was sitting by his side to write this, my dad started speaking to me of these very thoughts (yet another way God shows Himself to be near). I read the above passage to him, then he asked me to read Psalm 112:1-2 to him.
Praise ye the Lord. Blessed is the man that feareth the Lord, that delighteth greatly in his commandments.
His seed shall be mighty upon the earth: the generation of the upright shall be blessed.
We’ve all asked each other at least once, “How do people do this without Christ?” I can’t bear to know. What I do know is that God has ordered every step. Through the mini strokes we were never expecting and the challenges of knowing how to care for someone who has cared for us all our lives, we have still felt His peace. And in every light and dark moment, we hear God say, “I’m here.”
Vonda Morga
February 24, 2015 @ 12:15 am
Beautiful, friend. I've been praying for you.
Stacy Berg
February 24, 2015 @ 12:30 am
Beautiful! Just as your parents have always been so giving to others, here you are sharing these blessings with us even during this difficult time. Helping others to see Gods hands working even when you don't feel the strength to write the words. I also wonder how others do it without God. His grace shines through your words. Praying for you and your beautiful family for a daily, even hourly measure of grace as only He can give!
SweetSimpleLife
February 24, 2015 @ 2:11 am
Just beautiful Julie! Thinking of you all often!
Sherry @ No Minimalist Here
February 24, 2015 @ 2:36 am
Julie, This is a beautiful post and one I relate too. My 89 year old dad moved in with us after having mini strokes. Though challenging at times I wouldn't trade this time with him for anything. Your dad is lucky to have you.
David and Dee Dee Sterling
February 24, 2015 @ 3:08 am
Beautiful. You are such a beautiful person too. It's such a blessing to read your posts that are such a wonderful testimony of God's geace during such a difficult time in your life. Praying for your family!
Gayla Beimer
February 24, 2015 @ 3:22 am
I do not know you except through your blog, but I have prayed got your family. What a beautiful legacy and to know God's faithfulness through it all.
Cindy @ Dwellings-The Heart of Your Home
February 24, 2015 @ 1:35 pm
Beautiful and heartfelt. I can't imagine and dread the day but already pounder how folks can get through losing parents without the Lord. What a friend we have in Jesus, what a blessing to know he is near and to feel his comforting touch. Praying for you all.
Blessings,
Cindy
Vicky =)
February 24, 2015 @ 1:38 pm
Never a moment goes by that you guys are not in my thoughts and prayers!
Dorene Blauvelt
February 24, 2015 @ 2:28 pm
Such a touching post. My prayers are with you and your family.
Nicole Perry
February 24, 2015 @ 2:29 pm
I love your blog but have never replied. I have been touched by the recent postings regarding your father and your family coping through this difficult time but this post in particular struck a chord. You are saddened but filled with grace and peace. I truly admire your strength as well as sharing your personal journey through this time of sadness but serenity. Thank you for continuing to post to this blog, if it were my dad, I hope I have half the strength to keep posting rather than crawling under a self pity rock! Most sincerely and many blessing to you and your family. Nicole Perry (Houston, Texas)
Terry
February 24, 2015 @ 4:47 pm
Praying for you, your dad, and your whole family as you walk this journey with him. I lost my mom last year the day Easter. She was a mighty woman for God. But it's still a hard road to travel. May you feel His comforting presence in the days ahead.
jen
February 24, 2015 @ 8:12 pm
Prayers and tears for your precious dad and sweet family as you go through this time.
DarlaB3
February 24, 2015 @ 8:59 pm
Sweetheart, you are in my thoughts and prayers. It is difficult, but not impossible, rely closely on God.
Lisa @ Shine Your Light
February 25, 2015 @ 4:42 pm
You amaze me that you are able to write such a beautiful post at this time…..I am so glad you are seeing all these gifts around you. Praying for you, your dad and your family.
Liz
February 25, 2015 @ 9:49 pm
May the HOLY SPIRIT continue to be your strength, peace, and comfort. May JESUS be ever present in your time together. Remember how great His love is for you!